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The CRE Humor Jokes

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When Your 6-Cap Is Actually a 3-Cap With Better PR

Broker: 6-cap, stabilized, 'slam dunk' 🤡 Lender: After tax reassessment + SOFR cap escrow, DSCR = 1.07 Excel: unhide 14 rows labeled Other Income - vending, dreams, miracles 🧮 Roof (1986): leaking during tour, marketed as 'interior water feature'

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NNN 'Easy Deal' Speedrun: Broker vs Lender vs Client

Broker: It’s a vanilla NNN, clean Phase I, we coast to close Lender: Need 12 months trailing, 3 estoppels, roof warranty from 1997, and the tenant’s favorite cereal Client: Can we close Friday if we s

 
 
 
When DSCR Won’t Commit But My Coffee Will

Client: Can we close Friday? Lender: Send updated T-12, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and proof the roof isn’t from 1978 Me opening Excel: why does CAM math have 19 tabs and a hidden sorcery sheet ☠️ DSCR

 
 
 

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