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The CRE Humor Jokes

Property Manager Starter Pack: Coffee, COIs, and Catastrophes

Oct 13

1 min read

Broker: It’s stabilized, zero headaches Property Manager: Friday 4:59 PM—roof leaks, HVAC quits, COI expired, fire marshal pop-in 😬 Lender: Need updated rent roll + SNDA + estoppels today Me: Grossing up expenses to 95% while evicting a raccoon from the trash enclosure ☕️

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95% Occupied* (According To The 2019 Rent Roll)

Broker: 95% occupied, turnkey, trust me Property Manager: 7 suites are month-to-month-ish, 3 COIs expired, roof is older than my LinkedIn Lender: Need updated rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and

Property Manager Starter Pack: 47 Keys, 0 Weekends

Tenant: AC is broken at 68° Me 5:03pm Friday: on the roof in dress shoes negotiating with an RTU like it's a lender term sheet 😅 Expectation: amenity lounge; Reality: raccoon eviction, 37 COIs, and C

Expectation: Quiet Friday. Reality: 4:59 PM Roof Leak Speedrun

Expectation: Quiet Friday sign-off Reality: 4:59 PM roof leak, HVAC rage quit, elevator roleplaying stairs Broker: Quick tour tomorrow? Me: Sure—tell buyers to bring kayaks 😅 Tenant: EMERGENCY—microw

The CRE Humor Jokes

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