ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

My DSCR Says 1.30x, Lender’s Calculator Says “lol 1.09x”

Oct 9

1 min read

Broker: Model’s clean, 1.30x DSCR, send the LOI Lender: Remove addbacks, add reserves, haircut M2M—now it’s 1.09x Excel: Circular reference detected; your exit cap was a prayer 😂 Me: Hitting F9 while Phase I discovers a 1987 dry cleaner plume ☠️

Recent Posts

See All

My T-12 vs The Proforma She Told Me Not to Worry About

Expectation: 6-cap, 75% LTV, DSCR 1.30x, closing in 30 days Reality: Reassessed taxes vaporize NOI, DSCR 1.09x, lender: '55% max... and a rate cap' 😬 Broker: 'Taxes already modeled' — me reading page

When DSCR Does CrossFit But Appraisal Eats Pizza

Broker: 6-cap, turnkey, lender loves it Lender: Cool—send T‑12, rent roll, Argus, Phase I newer than my intern, and a DSCR that lifts Me in Excel: If I add one more “Other Income,” the model files a r

My Excel Just Committed Felony Underwriting

Broker: Numbers are clean, cap rate ‘market’ Lender: Please remove the 19 hidden sheets and the Magic NOI tab Client: Can we round DSCR to 1.25 because ‘future leasing momentum’? Me at 1:47 AM: VLOOKU

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments