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The CRE Humor Jokes

My T-12 vs The Proforma She Told Me Not to Worry About

11 minutes ago

1 min read

Expectation: 6-cap, 75% LTV, DSCR 1.30x, closing in 30 days Reality: Reassessed taxes vaporize NOI, DSCR 1.09x, lender: '55% max... and a rate cap' 😬 Broker: 'Taxes already modeled' — me reading page 73 rent roll footnotes: surprise 28% hike Excel: circular reference; me at 1:47am: circular life, Argus just crashed 🥲

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My Excel Just Committed Felony Underwriting

Broker: Numbers are clean, cap rate ‘market’ Lender: Please remove the 19 hidden sheets and the Magic NOI tab Client: Can we round DSCR to 1.25 because ‘future leasing momentum’? Me at 1:47 AM: VLOOKU

Expectation: 22% IRR, Reality: T-12 With Plot Twists

Broker: Pro forma rents are conservative Lender: Cool, email T-12, T-3, T-1, and maybe your soul Excel: IRR 22% if expenses take a nap 🧮😅 Seller: BTW roof is from 1927 and CAM reconciliations are in

The CRE Humor Jokes

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