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The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Any%: Estoppel Boss Fight at 11:59 PM

Client: DD should be quick, right? Me: Absolutely—just 247 PDFs, a Phase II because 'historic dry cleaner', and 9 estoppels by midnight. Lender: DSCR works, but prove the parking lot is real and the RTUs aren't from 1987. Seller: As-is. Me: So is my blood pressure. 😵‍💫😂

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Due Diligence Jenga: One More Estoppel And We're Out

Broker: LOI signed, PSA clean, we're cruising Lender: Need fresh estoppels, SNDA, ALTA, Phase I that says 'no vibes,' and a 1.35 DSCR in a 1.10 world 😵‍💫 Buyer: Underwrote at 6.25% cap; Seller heard

 
 
 

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