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The CRE Humor Jokes

Phase I Says “Probably Fine” — DSCR Says “Absolutely Not”

Broker: It’s a light value-add Environmental: Former dry cleaner—vapor intrusion speedrun Lender: Cut proceeds, add repair reserves, and I still need 27 estoppels + SNDA Me: Re-trading at 2 a.m. while calling ALTA encroachments “quirky” 🤡📉

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Due Diligence Jenga: One More Estoppel And We're Out

Broker: LOI signed, PSA clean, we're cruising Lender: Need fresh estoppels, SNDA, ALTA, Phase I that says 'no vibes,' and a 1.35 DSCR in a 1.10 world 😵‍💫 Buyer: Underwrote at 6.25% cap; Seller heard

 
 
 

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