top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

DSCR Said No, LOI Said Yes

Broker: LOI signed, 6-cap, lender greenlit - easy week Lender: After 'final review', DSCR is 1.19 and we need estoppels from everyone including the janitor Appraiser: Adjusted comps... now it's a 7.25 cap because the taco shop next door sneezed 🌮 Me (1 a.m. in Excel): If I move $0.12 from CAM to Other Income, do we live? šŸ˜‚

Recent Posts

See All
Appraisal Said 6 Cap, My IRR Left the Chat

Me underwriting: 18% IRR if I pretend CapEx is 'future me's problem'. Lender: DSCR at 1.26? Rounding down, escrows up, proceeds down—science. Appraiser: Pulled a 2019 comp 47 miles away 'similar vibe'

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
Broker vs Lender vs Client: The Appraisal Hunger Games

Broker: IC approved, DSCR 1.35, we’re unstoppable Lender: Need updated rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, ALTA survey, and a time machine to 2017 Appraiser: Value came in at vibes; also found a 1983 dry clea

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
Broker Math vs Lender Math: DSCR Cage Match

Broker: It's 95% occupied, easy 6-cap Lender: Cool—need T-12, rent roll, estoppels, PFS, and your soul Appraiser: 2019 comps + 'market headwinds' = value minus hope Me: Adding tab 27 'magical add-back

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page