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The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker vs Lender vs Client: The Appraisal Hunger Games

Broker: IC approved, DSCR 1.35, we’re unstoppable Lender: Need updated rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, ALTA survey, and a time machine to 2017 Appraiser: Value came in at vibes; also found a 1983 dry cleaner ghost in Suite 4 Client: Keep price, drop rate, more TI, 3 months abate—close Friday? 🙂 Me: Re-underwriting at 2am while Excel recalcs for 9 minutes straight 🥲

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Broker Math vs Lender Math: DSCR Cage Match

Broker: It's 95% occupied, easy 6-cap Lender: Cool—need T-12, rent roll, estoppels, PFS, and your soul Appraiser: 2019 comps + 'market headwinds' = value minus hope Me: Adding tab 27 'magical add-back

 
 
 
DSCR Said No, LOI Said Yes

Broker: LOI signed, 6-cap, lender greenlit - easy week Lender: After 'final review', DSCR is 1.19 and we need estoppels from everyone including the janitor Appraiser: Adjusted comps... now it's a 7.25

 
 
 

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