Expectation: CAM smooth, HVAC purring, tenants happy
Reality: Insurance +23%, April blizzard, after-hours HVAC for a ‘book club’ of 60
Me: BOMA remeasure + roof deductible + utility true-up = math nobody asked for
Excel: #REF! #DIV/0! Printer: out of toner again 😬
Broker: It’s turnkey Property Manager: Turn the key and a 1998 RTU screams Lender: Need a clean rent roll Me at midnight: Deleting “Suite 404 – Maybe A Tenant?” so NOI stops crying 🤡 Tenant at 2am: H
Broker: We’re 95% leased Property Manager: Cool, who covers the 140% jump in trash + HVAC after-hours? Lender: Need a 24-month trailing on janitorial ‘strategy’ by EOD Me at 2:03am rebuilding CAM in E
Owner: 'It’s passive income.' Me: passively sprinting to a 3am sprinkler alarm 🚨 Broker promised 'turnkey'; key turns nothing—TI request reads like War and Peace CAM true-up: me vs Excel vs a rogue s
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