ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

30-Day Close? Cool Story, DSCR

ricklahkar
Apr 19
1 min read

Broker: Easy 30-day close Lender: Need updated rent roll, T-12, Phase I ESA, and proof your DSCR does CrossFit Appraiser: Value = 'we'll see after comp #47'; timeline = 'calendar is a suggestion' Me at 1:59am, Excel with 88 tabs: if I bold NOI, will cap rate respect me? 😵‍💫🧮

Recent Posts

See All

Underwrote 6.25% Cap, Appraised at Lol

Broker: Underwrote 95% occupancy, totally conservative, pinky swear. Appraiser: Subject borders a haunted parking lot; -120 bps for vibes. Lender: Need T-12, T-36, T-everything, estoppel bingo, and a

Cap Rate Catfish: When the OM Says 6.5% and Reality Says LOL

Broker: Pro forma NOI is bulletproof Lender: Send T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, and a notarized promise you won't blink Me at 2:14am in Excel: If I rebrand 'Other Income' as 'Manifestation,' DSCR h

Broker: CTC. Lender: One more doc. Appraiser: Hold my cap rate.

Broker: We’re 30 days from CTC Lender: Need estoppels, SNDA, fresh ALTA, and Phase I found a vintage dry cleaner 🧯 Client: If we switch to a DST and tack on a 1031, can we still close Friday? Me in E

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments