When Your Pro Forma Is 4D Chess and the Lender Plays Minesweeper

Broker: It’s a simple 7% cap, clean T-12, light value-add Lender: Remove 43 temporary addbacks, add TI/LC reserves, and stress to 9.5% — still pencils? Me in Excel: uncheck one vacancy macro; DSCR swan-dives from 1.35x to 0.99x; circular ref sirens 🤡 Client: Can we close Friday? Also the rent roll is a JPEG of a fax from 2003 🧮