When Your DSCR Is a Suggestion and Excel Is a Crime Scene

Broker: DSCR 1.35x on pro forma Lender: Cool—send T-12, T-3 rent roll, and proof you don’t use VLOOKUP Me opening model: FINAL_v38.xlsx, 62 tabs, 11 hidden, one labeled 'Do_Not_Touch' 🙃 F9 pressed: circular reference → DSCR 0.98x, debt yield crying, cap rate allergic to reality Client: Can we hit 80% LTV at 6 cap? Me: Sure, if we underwrite in Narnia 🧙‍♂️