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The CRE Humor Jokes

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When the Model Says 1.25x But the Lender Brings Out the 'Fun' Spreadsheet

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.25x, money's basically free Lender IC: After our 19-tab sensitivity, it's 1.09 and the market is 'transitory' Me in Excel: =IF(T12>=ProForma,'we ball','rerun VLOOKUP') 🤡 Seller on closing call: Surprise roof from 1987, no credit, close by Friday? 🧯

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Underwriting vs Reality: Excel Crimes Unit (ECU)

Broker: Pro forma hits 1.35x DSCR easy Lender: Please attach T-12, rent roll, and the model Me opening "Underwriting_FINAL_FINAL_v12.xlsm": 37 hidden sheets, hardcoded NOI, circular refs named 'Magic'

 
 
 
Excel Said My Cap Rate Is Tuesday

Client: quick back-of-napkin? Excel: 94 tabs, circular refs, a sheet called 'ProForma_FINAL_v29' Lender: stress DSCR at 9% rate, 30% vacancy, and taxes triple? Me: paste values… debt yield now equals

 
 
 

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