ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Underwriting at 2AM: When Excel Pleads the Fifth

ricklahkar
Apr 13
1 min read

Broker: DSCR 1.35x, lender will love it Lender: Send T-12, T-3, T-0.5, and the lease your dog barked at Excel: #REF! also your 10-year reversion cap = 'maybe' 🙃 Me: Renaming 'Other Income' to 'Miracles' before compliance wakes up

Recent Posts

See All

Expectation: 95% Occupied. Reality: 95% Free Rent

Broker: It's 95% occupied (pro forma, obviously) Lender: Cool—send T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, and your childhood diaries Me in Excel: DSCR 1.30 until I unhide 'Free Rent', 'TI/LC', and 'CA

Pro Forma Lies, Excel Cries

Broker: Rent growth 6% forever, trust the OM Me (underwriting): add TI/LC, free rent, and real taxes… the sheet turns red 😵‍💫 Lender: Bump exit cap 10 bps and send T-12 in 3 versions by EOD Appraise

When Excel Says 'Cash Flowing' And The Lender Says 'Cute Spreadsheet'

Broker: Pro forma hits 6.00% cap and 17% IRR, ez refi Lender: Adorable—now T-12, T-3, fresh rent roll, DSCR 1.35 AFTER TI/LC and the roof crying Excel: one decimal slide and 17% IRR -> 1.7% 😵‍💫 Clie

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments