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The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: 95% Occupied. Reality: 95% Free Rent

Broker: It's 95% occupied (pro forma, obviously) Lender: Cool—send T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, and your childhood diaries Me in Excel: DSCR 1.30 until I unhide 'Free Rent', 'TI/LC', and 'CAM true-up' tabs 😬 Appraisal: 'Stabilized in 6 months'—on a 1999 C-class with a roof like a colander 4:59pm Friday: Buyer wants a buydown, Seller wants yesterday's comp, I want Ctrl+Z 🧯

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Pro Forma Lies, Excel Cries

Broker: Rent growth 6% forever, trust the OM Me (underwriting): add TI/LC, free rent, and real taxes… the sheet turns red 😵‍💫 Lender: Bump exit cap 10 bps and send T-12 in 3 versions by EOD Appraise

 
 
 

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