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The CRE Humor Jokes

The One More Doc Starter Pack (CRE Edition)

Broker: Clean deal, 95% occupied Lender: Cool, send estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, ALTA, T-12, T-3, and comps from Mars Appraisal: Value equals vibes minus $800k for 'functional obsolescence' Me at 1:37 AM in Excel: fixed one circular ref, created three more šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«šŸ¤”

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DSCR Says 1.25x, My Soul Says Extension Please

Broker: It pencils at a 6 cap Lender: After our stress test it pencils at a crayon Me: Rebuilding the model because T12 ≠ rent roll and DSCR is allergic to reality 🧮 Seller: No price cut. Also CAMs w

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The LOI Said 'Non-Binding' But My Anxiety Isn't

Expectation: 6% cap, clean Phase I, lender jazz hands Reality: 4.3% cap, HVAC is vapor, Phase I finds a vintage fuel tank Broker: we're at the one-yard line; Lender: need estoppels & SNDAs from every

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