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The CRE Humor Jokes

The Appraisal Came In… At Vibes Only

Expectation: 6.0 cap, clean Phase I, 30-day close Reality: Appraisal uses 2009 comps, finds a “mystery tank,” LTV now 48% Me updating one cell in Excel: NOI evaporates, CoC = 0.0003% 😐 Seller: “Price firm.” Me: “So is the soil.” 🫠

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

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