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The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker vs Lender vs Client: The LOI Olympics (Sponsored by Moving Goalposts)

Broker: LOI at whisper, 30-day close, easy peasy Lender: Need updated T3, T12, estoppels, janitor-signed rent roll, and your childhood GPA Client: Does the parking lot cashflow? Also want 2019 rates with 2020 concessions šŸ˜‚ Me: Underwriting at 2am, cap rate jumps 50 bps, deal dies, I relist it as value-add narrative ā˜ ļø

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

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When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

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When The Appraisal Yeets Your Cap Rate

Broker: C2C Friday Lender: Cool—upload updated T-12, clean rent roll, 9 estoppels, SNDA, the 1998 roof warranty, and proof the parking ratio isn’t folklore Appraiser: Value is aspirational; Seller: ne

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