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The CRE Humor Jokes

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When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x before reserves, 0.92x after rate cap—re-trade or obituary? 📉😵‍💫

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When The Appraisal Yeets Your Cap Rate

Broker: C2C Friday Lender: Cool—upload updated T-12, clean rent roll, 9 estoppels, SNDA, the 1998 roof warranty, and proof the parking ratio isn’t folklore Appraiser: Value is aspirational; Seller: ne

 
 
 

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