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The CRE Humor Jokes

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The 6 Cap Catfish: Underwriting at 2AM Edition

Broker: it’s a clean NNN, turnkey, 6 cap Lender: after taxes, reserves, real T-12, and Mercury in retrograde? Appraiser: found a ‘comp’ with goat yoga anchor at 7.5 Me in Excel at 2:03AM: DSCR says ‘lol no’ 🧮 Seller at closing: surprise roof report, HVAC is performance art 😅

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

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