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The CRE Humor Jokes

Quick Close Starter Pack: T-12, SNDA, and a Small Sacrifice

Client: 30-day close? Easy, right. Lender: Need T-12, T-3, estoppels, SNDA, roof letter, Phase I, and your firstborn. Appraiser: Worth $12M if it’s Walgreens; $9.4M since it’s a nail salon with a vape kiosk. Me in Excel: +25 bps to exit cap = IRR disappears; Ctrl+Z and I’m a value-add visionary 🤡🧮

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The Appraisal Came In With Only Vibes

Broker: 65% LTV, clean Phase I, comps locked Appraiser: Notes 'ambient diesel poetry' next door; adjust -$2.3M Lender: Need 3 leases, 2 quarters of NOI, and a time machine Me at 2am underwriting: adds

 
 
 

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