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The CRE Humor Jokes

Appraisal Hits at 4:59 PM: Clear to Close (In My Dreams)

Broker: We’re clear to close Lender: Need updated rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I addendum, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser @ 4:59pm Fri: Value subject to the universe cooperating 📉 Client: So my 6 cap is now…? Me: Negative 3 hours of sleep and a magically renegotiated purchase price 😵‍💫

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Broker vs Lender vs Appraiser: The DSCR Hunger Games

Broker: It’s 95% occupied, DSCR 1.35x—easy win Lender: Great, send T-12, clean rent roll, SNDAs, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA, and your kindergarten transcript Appraiser: Using comps from when Blockbuster

 
 
 

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