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The CRE Humor Jokes

NNN Says Tenant Pays All, Friday Says Roof Needs A Sponsor

Expectation NNN lease means tenant pays all Reality 4:59pm Friday tenant says roof is Niagara and HVAC retired šŸ˜… Lease carveout says landlord covers structural roof and surprise capital HVAC Me updating Excel model CAM recovery wizard on hard mode NOI: I have left the chat šŸ“‰

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DSCR Says 1.25x, My Soul Says Extension Please

Broker: It pencils at a 6 cap Lender: After our stress test it pencils at a crayon Me: Rebuilding the model because T12 ≠ rent roll and DSCR is allergic to reality 🧮 Seller: No price cut. Also CAMs w

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The LOI Said 'Non-Binding' But My Anxiety Isn't

Expectation: 6% cap, clean Phase I, lender jazz hands Reality: 4.3% cap, HVAC is vapor, Phase I finds a vintage fuel tank Broker: we're at the one-yard line; Lender: need estoppels & SNDAs from every

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