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The CRE Humor Jokes

My Term Sheet vs The Committee She Told Me Not To Worry About

Broker: Easy 65% LTV, 5.75% fixed, close in 30 Lender: After committee it's 58% LTV, SOFR+450, new Phase I, SNDA, and an estoppel for the vending machine Client: Can we still close Friday? Me: Rebuilding the model at 2:03am because T-12 says pets fee but rent roll says pest fee šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

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When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

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