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The CRE Humor Jokes

My LOI Said As-Is, The Roof Heard As-If

Broker brain: Easy NNN strip, mailbox money. Reality: Estoppels missing, SNDA in Wingdings, co-tenancy bomb ticking. Lender: Need T-12, T-3, T-me-why-sales-tax-is-in-CAM; also DSCR < vibes. Me in Excel at 2:11AM: if I color-code the rent roll again the NOI will go up, right? šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

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When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

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