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The CRE Humor Jokes

LOI Says Easy, Lender Says Prove You Exist

Broker: LOI signed, 30-day close, cakewalk Lender: drop T-12, current rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and your elementary report card Seller: half tenants are 'month-to-vibe', roof is 'historic', expenses are 'pro forma' Me at 2:13am: cap rate pencils at 6.25%, sanity yields negative šŸ˜…šŸ“‰

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

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When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

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