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The CRE Humor Jokes

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LOI Said Easy And Then The Estoppel Hit

Broker: Easy 5% cap, 60-day close, industrial vanilla Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and three comps from 1997 Client: 0% down, non-recourse, 30-yr IO, $6 PSF TI—also can seller carry? 😅 Excel: DSCR 1.07; Me: add market momentum to underwriting and email LOI at 11:59pm 🥲

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

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