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The CRE Humor Jokes

IC at 4:59pm: Clear to Close Speedrun (Any%)

Broker: We’re clear to close Lender IC 4:59pm: Need SNDA, fresh estoppels, and a time machine Appraisal: $800k light due to functional obsolescence of 'vibes' My Excel: DSCR 1.25x -> 1.11x -> circular ref -> crying in cap rates 😵‍💫🧨

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

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