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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Expectation: Turnkey TI, Reality: Turnkeyed My Sanity

Broker me: $35/SF TI will cover everything GC: Addendum #7 — 'paint is a premium texture,' change order incoming Lender: Please model doorknob payback period and hinge DSCR in Excel Me at 2:11am: amortizing a light switch over 62 months like it’s a capex bond 🧮😵‍💫

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NNN, They Said. CAM Is Chill, They Said.

Broker: It’s NNN, CAM’s light—just janitorial and vibes Lender: Need 3 yrs CAM recs, 95% gross-up math, and proof of snow removal… in Phoenix 😅 Client: TI covers HVAC, right? Me: that’s in the LL wor

 
 
 
When TI Meets CAM: Boss Fight Edition

Broker: 'TI is just paint and carpet.' GC: 'Sure—after abating surprise asbestos, moving a demising wall, and 9 RFIs.' 🚧 Lender: 'Send final GMP + approved plans.' Me: 'Final like today-final or post

 
 
 
Just Move a Wall, They Said: TI Budget Speedrun

Client: It's a simple white box GC: After demo, your 'simple' has 7 surprise plumbing lines and a ghost mezzanine Lender: Update the budget by EOD, also your DSCR changed because CAM grew 18% Landlord

 
 
 

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