top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: 6 Cap. Reality: 6AM Chasing Estoppels

Broker brain: 45-day close, easy Lender: send fresh Phase I, real T-12, 7 estoppels, and the tenant’s blood type Seller: “Use our pro forma, it’s basically guaranteed” Me at 2:13am: Excel froze at 1.24x DSCR—whispering sweet nothings to a cell 🙃

Recent Posts

See All
Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page