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The CRE Humor Jokes

Excel Promised a 6 Cap, Lender Said lol — My DSCR Left the Building

Broker: It’s a clean 6 cap, light value-add Lender: After T-12/T-3 and a vibes check, it’s 4.1 with rollover, tax escrow, and a rate cap Excel: Circular reference detected; DSCR has left the chat 🧮🤡 Client: Close Friday? Me: Sure—once Phase I stops yelling "REC" and the roof escrow stops multiplying

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Expectation: 1.30x DSCR | Reality: Excel Says LOL

Expectation: 6% exit cap, 3-yr IO, DSCR 1.30 — lender says easy button Reality: Excel unmerges one cell; DSCR 1.09; taxes jump post-sale; please add $850k TI/LC Client: can we bump rents 18%? Me: sure

 
 
 

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