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The CRE Humor Jokes

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DSCR 1.24x: The 0.01 That Ruins Weekends

Broker: Pro forma shows 1.26x, we’re chill Lender: After tax reset, insurance, and the rate cap… it’s 1.24x—wire $300k Client: I thought DSCR was a radio station 📻 Me in Excel at 2am: adding $0.17 to rents like a streaming fee 🫠

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

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