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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Clear To Close Until The Appraisal Sneezes

Broker: We're clear to close Friday Lender: Need updated rent roll, 12 estoppels, one SNDA, and proof the HVAC believes in DSCR Appraiser: Starbucks is actually a kiosk in a vape shop—cap rate just jumped 200 bps 📉 Me at 2:07 AM: underwriting TI, roof life, and my sanity in 47 Excel tabs 😵‍💫

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

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