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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Clear to Close: The CRE Boss Fight

Broker: We're clear to close Friday Lender: After we review the updated rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, fresh Phase I, and a new ALTA that matches the legal, sure Client: Why did my rate move 75 bps? Me: DSCR had vibes, appraiser saw a pothole, and T-12 met T-3 and started arguing šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« Seller: Also swapping the anchor for a vape shop, hope that's chill šŸ« 

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

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When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: Itā€™s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

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