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The CRE Humor Jokes

CAM Reconciliation: The Jump Scare in Every NNN Lease

Expectation: 'Fixed CAM cap, clean TI budget' Reality: CAM true-up includes 'emotional support mulch' and TI hits Change Order #47 Lender: please sensitize +200 bps and +$6/SF CAM Client: thought NNN meant 'No Nasty Numbers' 🤡 Me: Rebuilding the model at 1:12 AM so the IRR smiles again 📉

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Warm Shell, Cold Sweat: The TI Olympics

Broker: TI done in 6 weeks GC: After permits, long-lead HVAC, and three ‘minor’ change orders Landlord: It’s a warm shell (code for bring your own walls, ducts, and hope) CAM: Surprise reconciliation—

 
 
 
TI in 8 Weeks? It’s a Quarter and a Dream.

Client: need 10k SF, turnkey, 8-week TI GC: doors in 26 weeks, switchgear on backorder, unicorn installer TBD Landlord: delivery 'ASAP' = after permits + LL work letter negotiations Me in Excel: +90 d

 
 
 

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