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The CRE Humor Jokes

CAM Recon Season: When the PM Opens the Spreadsheet and Sees 72 Tabs

Expectation: NNN = easy math Reality: 72-tab CAM workbook named FINAL_FINAL_v29 with a snow invoice dated July Broker: We're clear to close Property Manager: Upload COI, HVAC logs, pest receipts, elevator cert, and your soul šŸ˜…

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NNN Means 'No New Numbers,' Right?

Broker: Proforma says 3% expense growth Property Manager: CAM true-up season—vendor quote = market + vibes + supply chain Lender: Explain why CAM jumped 28% with 92% occupancy Me at 2am: Renaming the

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CAM Season: When NNN Becomes LOL

Broker: It's a simple NNN lease Property Manager: Great, define 'simple' while I gross-up to 95%, chase missing COIs, and explain why the roof reserve isn't optional šŸ˜… Lender: Send a clean rent roll

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Turnkey? Say Sike Right Now

Broker: ā€œTurnkey space.ā€ PM: ā€œDefine ā€˜turnkey.ā€™ā€ GC: ā€œWe found 3 keys; none turn.ā€ Tenant: ā€œMove-in Monday?ā€ Me: ā€œAfter COI, HVAC start-up, elevator cert, and the ghost of Suite 204 signs the estoppel

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