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The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker vs Lender vs Reality: The DSCR Hunger Games

Broker: It’s a squeaky-clean NNN, T-12 sings, rent roll in tune Lender: Cool, just need fresh estoppels, SNDA, and a Phase I for that 1998 dry cleaner three parcels over Client: If seller fixes roof can we close Friday and shave 25 bps? 😅 Appraisal: Came in “light” for economic vacancy + missing COI, DSCR now 1.19 📉 IC: Approved… contingent on a rate cap, 12-month reserve, and your weekend

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DSCR Says 1.25x, My Soul Says Extension Please

Broker: It pencils at a 6 cap Lender: After our stress test it pencils at a crayon Me: Rebuilding the model because T12 ≠ rent roll and DSCR is allergic to reality 🧮 Seller: No price cut. Also CAMs w

 
 
 
The LOI Said 'Non-Binding' But My Anxiety Isn't

Expectation: 6% cap, clean Phase I, lender jazz hands Reality: 4.3% cap, HVAC is vapor, Phase I finds a vintage fuel tank Broker: we're at the one-yard line; Lender: need estoppels & SNDAs from every

 
 
 

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