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The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker vs Lender vs Excel: The DSCR Hunger Games

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.30 on my pro forma Lender: T-12 says 1.18, also who hard-coded EGI? Excel: Circular reference detected. Recalculate? 😵 Client: Can we close Friday if we switch to 3-year IO and pretend taxes don't exist? Me: Adds 0.25% exit cap, model dies, career autosaves 🄲

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Expectation: 1.30x DSCR | Reality: Excel Says LOL

Expectation: 6% exit cap, 3-yr IO, DSCR 1.30 — lender says easy button Reality: Excel unmerges one cell; DSCR 1.09; taxes jump post-sale; please add $850k TI/LC Client: can we bump rents 18%? Me: sure

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When Your 1.35 DSCR Meets the Lender's Tiny Stress Test

Proforma: DSCR 1.35 and a 6 cap — living the dream Lender after 'small' stress test: taxes + insurance + reserves = 0.99 Client: just 'optimize NOI' and still hit 65% LTV šŸ™‚ Me at 2:12am: doing INDEX/

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