top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker Says Clear to Close, Title Says Hold My ALTA

4 days ago
1 min read

Broker: We're clear to close Title: Send revised ALTA, new legal, and 14 tenant estoppels Lender: Rerunning DSCR because an $87 mop hit the T-12 šŸ˜‚ Me: Re-underwriting at 11:59pm while the client asks if TI is expensable 🫠

Recent Posts

See All
Broker vs Lender vs Client: The DSCR Hunger Games

Broker: It's a 6 cap, turnkey, lender loves it Lender: Send updated rent roll, 3 years of CAM recs, and your kindergarten transcript Client: Can we close Friday and also retrade 200k plus 6 months fre

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
Clear to Close (But First, 87 More Conditions)

Broker: We're clear to close Lender: After a 'quick' refresh - T-12, rent roll, SNDAs, estoppels, roof cert, and a Phase I for the parking lot ghost Appraiser: Used a corn silo comp 48 miles away - st

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
When the DSCR Says No but the OM Says 'Trust Me'

Broker: 6.0 cap, 70% LTV, 'light value-add' Lender: after taxes true-up and HVAC reserve, DSCR = vibes Client: 'Can seller credit the rate cap?' — me: also need estoppels and SNDA by EOD Title: surpri

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page