ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker Said “Pro Forma” — My Excel Committed a Felony

ricklahkar
May 14
1 min read

Expectation: 6-cap + clean rent roll 🧮 Reality: T-12 full of concessions, ghost suites, and a former dry cleaner next door Lender: need 1.25x DSCR and a rate cap yesterday Me: VLOOKUPing estoppels at 2am while the IRR depends on a merged cell 😂

Recent Posts

See All

Cap Rate Catfishing: When the Pro Forma Ghosts Your VLOOKUP

Broker: It’s a 12% cap, turnkey Me (underwriting): unmerges 86 cells, finds 'pls-ignore' vacancy tab; hello, 6.3% 🧮 Lender: send the FINAL-final model Excel: crashes; reopens in 1900 dates; Client: s

Expectation: 1.30x DSCR | Reality: Excel Says LOL

Expectation: 6% exit cap, 3-yr IO, DSCR 1.30 — lender says easy button Reality: Excel unmerges one cell; DSCR 1.09; taxes jump post-sale; please add $850k TI/LC Client: can we bump rents 18%? Me: sure

When Your 1.35 DSCR Meets the Lender's Tiny Stress Test

Proforma: DSCR 1.35 and a 6 cap — living the dream Lender after 'small' stress test: taxes + insurance + reserves = 0.99 Client: just 'optimize NOI' and still hit 65% LTV 🙂 Me at 2:12am: doing INDEX/

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments