ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker Math vs Lender Math: The Cap Rate Cage Match

ricklahkar
May 20
1 min read

Broker: It's a value-add at $120/SF, 6 cap, easy lift Lender: Cool, send T-36, 5-year leases, 1.35x DSCR, and a blood sample Appraiser: I found a 2019 comp across town, so... $92/SF 📉 Me in Excel: Line 748 says your dream IRR was a typo 😵‍💫

Recent Posts

See All

When the Lender Says Quick Close and My Excel Starts Smoking

Me: LOI says 30-day close Lender: send T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDAs, Phase I, Phase II, and your firstborn 🧮 Appraiser: subject to roof, parking, and the concept of math Client: 75% LTV at

DSCR Says 1.25x, My Soul Says Extension Please

Broker: It pencils at a 6 cap Lender: After our stress test it pencils at a crayon Me: Rebuilding the model because T12 ≠ rent roll and DSCR is allergic to reality 🧮 Seller: No price cut. Also CAMs w

The LOI Said 'Non-Binding' But My Anxiety Isn't

Expectation: 6% cap, clean Phase I, lender jazz hands Reality: 4.3% cap, HVAC is vapor, Phase I finds a vintage fuel tank Broker: we're at the one-yard line; Lender: need estoppels & SNDAs from every

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments