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The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker Math vs Bank Math: The Cap Rate Hunger Games

5 days ago
1 min read

Broker: 6.75 cap, day-one NOI solid Lender: Underwrote to 5.1 after 'market' reserves and a roof older than the Fed Client: Can we close Friday with 80% LTC and no recourse? Me in Excel v38: adds 12 tabs, cap-explode; LOI -> LO(L)I; Phase I says hello šŸ˜…

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Clear to Close (But First, 87 More Conditions)

Broker: We're clear to close Lender: After a 'quick' refresh - T-12, rent roll, SNDAs, estoppels, roof cert, and a Phase I for the parking lot ghost Appraiser: Used a corn silo comp 48 miles away - st

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When the DSCR Says No but the OM Says 'Trust Me'

Broker: 6.0 cap, 70% LTV, 'light value-add' Lender: after taxes true-up and HVAC reserve, DSCR = vibes Client: 'Can seller credit the rate cap?' — me: also need estoppels and SNDA by EOD Title: surpri

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