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The CRE Humor Jokes

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As-Is vs As-If: 48-Hour Close Speedrun

Broker: We’re clear to close in 48 hours Lender: Cool, just need T-12, updated rent roll, 18 estoppels, SNDA, Phase I addendum, and a roof that exists Client: Thought 'as-is' meant I stop replying to emails 🙃 Me renaming Excel NOI_FINAL_v27_REALFINAL.xlsx: Cap rate yoga, DSCR limbo, prayer hands 🧎‍♂️📉

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

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