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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Appraisal Brought a Cornfield to a Knife Fight

Broker: It's a soft lock at 6.25% - we're 'definitely' closing in 30 days Lender: Cool, just need fresh estoppels, SNDAs, ALTA, 3 years of janitor W-2s, and your soul Appraiser: Comps include a 2018 strip center, a car wash, and a cornfield because 'stabilized vibes' Me: Extending the rate cap, re-trading my sanity, and modeling 12 downside cases in Excel 🤡

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Cap Rate Blinked; My Model Filed for Bankruptcy

Broker: It's a layup Lender: Upload revised T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, flood cert, and vibes Client: Make it NNN, add a mezz slice, 1031 the equity, and still close Friday? Me @ 11:59 PM:

 
 
 
When DSCR Catfishes Your LOI

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30x DSCR, trust the OM Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, SNDAs/estoppels Seller: Also taxes reset 35% and the chiller died during diligence Me in Excel at 1:59 AM: 0.99x befor

 
 
 

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