ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

When Your DSCR Is 1.34 And Excel Says New Phone, Who Dis?

Sep 27

1 min read

Broker: 'Pro forma is conservative' Excel: =IF(MAGIC,TRUE,FALSE) - 47 hardcodes, 2 circulars, 1 #DIV/0! 🤡 Lender: 'Send T-12, rent roll, estoppels, and a DSCR > 1.35 after TI/LC by COB' Me at 1:58am: arguing with the Exit Cap while INDEX/MATCH gaslights my OM 🙏

Recent Posts

See All

Expectation: Clean T-12; Reality: 47 Tabs And One REF

Expectation: 6% cap, turnkey, lender nodding Reality: T-12 is a scavenger hunt, Argus expired, DSCR 1.19, Excel screams #REF! Me: Rename CapEx to “value-add,” convince debt yield it’s a vibe 😂 Seller

When the 'conservative' OM meets my T-12 and Excel calls the cops

Broker: “Day-1 stabilized, light value-add” Lender: Great—prove DSCR > 1.35 with actuals, estoppels, SNDAs, and your blood type My Excel: adjust vacancy by 0.01% → waterfall detonates → #REF everywher

Cap Rate Catfish: OM Expectations vs Post-DD Reality

Broker: It's a clean value-add Lender: Need 3 more rent rolls, 2 more T-12s, and your childhood credit score Client: Can we hit 7 cap day one with 90% LTC and free TI? Me at 2:03 AM in Excel: adds 'le

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments