ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

When Your DSCR Is 1.25 In Excel And 0.98 In Real Life

Aug 31

1 min read

Broker me: “Pro forma checks out.” Excel me: “Goal Seek says DSCR = 1.25 if taxes vanish and payroll is vibes.” 🧮 Lender: “Cool, send T-12, real payroll, estoppels, SNDA, and cure the circular refs by 4pm.” Seller: “Also appraisal hit low, cap rate evaporated, go hard today or we pick TikTok syndicator.” 🤡

Recent Posts

See All

Broker: 95% Leased. Excel: Lawyer Up.

Broker: 95% leased, DSCR 1.45, easy close Lender: cool—send T12, T3, rent roll, estoppels, Phase I, and your 3rd grade report card Me in Excel: unhide rows, circulars explode, IRR from 18% to SEE CELL

The Pro Forma Said Legend, The T-12 Said Therapist

Broker: Pro forma says 92% occ by Q2 Lender: Great—email the T-12 proving 120% of that and a DSCR that lifts weights Client: Can we close Friday if we start term sheet today? Me, in Excel v27_FINAL_RE

When Your Pro Forma Dates Real Life and Asks for Alimony

Broker: 6% cap, turnkey, lender will love it Lender: Cool—send T-12, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and the Holy Grail Me in Excel: DSCR 1.26 until taxes reset, then NOI does Houdini; #REF! is m

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments