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The CRE Humor Jokes

When the Appraisal Nukes Your DSCR at the 11th Hour

Broker: 6.25% cap, 1.30 DSCR, rate locked—send IC memo Lender: Credit wants TI/LC reserve + T-12 haircut, rerun at SOFR+300 Appraiser: Pulled a 2016 car-wash comp—market ‘uncertain’ 😂 Me: Rebuilding the model for the 8th time while pretending the LOI still works ☕️

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Broker: T12 scrubbed, 6-cap, Phase I squeaky. Let’s close. Lender: DSCR 1.249 so… escrows, rate cap, and a blood sample. Appraiser: Used a 'nearby' comp 19 miles away behind a cornfield—value: vibes.

 
 
 

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