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The CRE Humor Jokes

When the Appraisal Hits Lower Than My Caffeine Levels

Broker: Underwriting says 1.35x DSCR, capex baked, easy close Lender: Need updated T-12, estoppels, ALTA, and your kindergarten report card Appraiser: Two comps had a raccoon tenant, so value is vibes Me at 2:07 a.m.: Rebuilding the model for the 7th time, coffee on my pro forma 🧮

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Broker: T12 scrubbed, 6-cap, Phase I squeaky. Let’s close. Lender: DSCR 1.249 so… escrows, rate cap, and a blood sample. Appraiser: Used a 'nearby' comp 19 miles away behind a cornfield—value: vibes.

 
 
 

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