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The CRE Humor Jokes

When DSCR Is A Vibe And Excel Is A Crime (CRE Edition)

Sep 2
1 min read

Broker: It's 'plug-and-play' at a 6 cap Lender: Send T-12, rent roll (not a fax), and proof your DSCR isn't vibes Me in Excel: =IF(DSCR>=1.25,'proceed','pray') — circular ref solved by deleting CapEx 😅 Closing day: Appraiser says 'market shift,' county hikes taxes 40%, borrower begs IO—deal combusts 🔥

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