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The CRE Humor Jokes

When DSCR Is 1.24x and Credit Committee Wants Proof of Immortality

Broker: Clear to close Friday Lender IC: Need fresh estoppels, SNDA, ALTA 3.1, and a roof report from the future Client: Can we pull $500k cash-out and keep the cap at 4? Me opening Excel: Adds $18 'other income — vending machine' to squeak 1.25x DSCR 😵‍💫

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Underwrote 6.25% Cap, Appraised at Lol

Broker: Underwrote 95% occupancy, totally conservative, pinky swear. Appraiser: Subject borders a haunted parking lot; -120 bps for vibes. Lender: Need T-12, T-36, T-everything, estoppel bingo, and a

 
 
 

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